I am a Near drowning victim caused by Grief
Grief suffocates me.. it consumes my every being.
I feel like at times I am treading on water and without notice; I will sink and find myself drowning in sorrow.
And, despite me trying to keep afloat..
Sometimes. I just can’t even catch my breath.
This feeling comes on in different waves . Difficult to control, it is silent but quick , a trigger from something ‘ordinary’ like passing a street that reminds me of Dale or listening to a song we both loved and many other memories.
These memories are no longer ‘ordinary’ .. they are cherished with every bit of my soul. Don’t get me wrong, I want to relive those memories over and over again… that’s all I have .
But, wished that it wouldn’t remind me that he is not here to continue making new / more memories.
Yes, I am working really hard to overcome those feelings but a broken heart is a broken heart. It is not easily mended and honestly it will never be whole again.
The things I have done to move towards healing are:
- Allowing myself to cry
- Allowing myself Time alone
- Allowing myself Time to think
- Being kind to myself
- I am journaling
- I have attended a 13 week GriefShare class
- I share my story with those that want to hear it
- I am socializing with friends and family
- I run
- I attend spin class
- I am connected with others who have lost a loved one
- I read my Bible
- I definitely pray
- I began this blog
But, even after all those things it still doesn’t remove my pain. Let’s face it, It never will!
The thing with grief is that it is always there lurking in the creases of my heart and all of a sudden it takes you in and drowns you .
At this point , it is a matter of learning new ways to deal with the grief and avoid that near drowning experience.