These emotions fill every cell in my body with such vengeance .
The onset is so rapid
Like a poison. invading every cell and every organ of my body as it ambushes my heart.
It feels like a condition so ominous …
at times I just can’t breath.
The feeling of being alone
The feeling of missing Dale
The desperate feeling of wanting to see Dale now
The feeling of it not being fair?
I ask myself,
How can I defeat this emotional paralysis ?
How can I break through this heart wrenching syndrome ..
even if it’s just for the moment.
How can I get my heart to beat after this toxic ambush?
My once warm joyous heart is now paralyzed.
There is no lub dub lub dub …
just silence
And then the antidote …
I remind myself that Dale was and still is –
the Greatest gift from God
A God fearing man
An exceptional man
Who loved me
Our love was
An affirmation of true love
Of Unconditional love
A blessing
Just the thought helps soothe my soul
As it runs through my veins.. awakening the very core of each cell in my body…
and then for the moment..
I would like to give you a little back ground history of how I ended up here...
I am 51 years old, a Nurse Practitioner, a mother of three awesome young men. I have had two failed attempts in marriage and finally found 'unconditional love' .
I fell in love with my friend of 16 years... I never realized that 'my love' was right in front of me all this time . He had been divorced for 5 years and it wasn't until his divorce and mine that we realized we were each others soul mates. Dale, was one of a kind.. he was respectful towards me and so loving and most importantly a God fearing man.
We became boyfriend and girlfriend and then we soon became engaged. He asked me to marry him in front of the Seattle city lights. It was so romantic.. the lights gleaming on the lake as we stood at Gas Works Park right in front of Lake Union .
So fast forward..
July 27, 2017 was my honey's birthday- he turned 52! A very healthy person who ran most of his life.
I asked him what he wanted to do on his birthday and he had asked if we could go see wedding venues. So we saw three different wedding venues .
Later , that evening my heart broke... he had a sudden heart attack and died .
I have been through a long unwanted journey and it seems everyday is a day I spend grieving with HOPE!
I created this blog to share my story in hopes that maybe one day my grief and despair / journey will help at least one person ...
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Grieving with Hope 