So how am I feeling ?

It’s not fair !

It’s not fair that you were taken so soon

It’s not fair that we didn’t get to say I do

It’s not fair that I won’t ever be called your wife

It’s not fair that we won’t be able to grow old together

It’s not fair that all our plans won’t be

It’s not fair that we don’t have a tomorrow

It’s not fair

I’m fine

I wake up in the morning and start all over

Hit with reality and trying to embrace it

My honey was taken too soon

Then the self talk comes to play

Like a broken record

“He is with God.. I will see my honey again”

As the tears roll down my cheek

I wipe my tears off my face as I force an ‘I’m fine’ look

Hummmm, what is an ‘I’m fine look?’

 

I paint a smile on my face… my makeup is all made up and

My hair is fixed

I put on a nice outfit

And I can’t forget my heels.

Okay .. I am set…Let’s do this.. “ I can do this”.

Shoulders back

Deep breath

Let’s do this

And then …..

 

 

How are you ?

“I am fine”

Hummmm

Inside, I am about to explode and then the ‘self talk’ comes into play once again. Like it’s my best friend.

Heaviness just floods my heart

It’s hard to breath… all along .. I am doing that ‘self talk’

Take a Deep breath…

Okay, you will be fine.. I will see my honey again

Just Breath

Wipe your tears

But, it’s not fair

I was suppose to marry my honey

We loved each other so much…

It’s not suppose to be like this…

Breath…. just breath

How can I live without you

God give me the strength ..

 

I look in the mirror… Okay , do I look like I was crying

I can’t have anyone see that I’m crying

Okay…

Let’s do this

I’m fine

I just have to get through the day…

But wait then there’s the evening.. and then bedtime…

Only to wake up to

‘I’m fine ‘

and

to play it out over and over each new day …

‘I’m fine’

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